Talk about being passionate about an issue...

This blog is basically a journalling to finding my true passion, one I can immerse myself in.
 These people have found theirs, and its a beautiful story of helping others - Inspiring

The D-word

Ok, so let me honest. I have been blogging for a little while and the reason I started was to help me journal and identify what my passions are. What prompted this, is a depression and burnout. Contrarily to many beliefs, depression hurts all types of people and most often you realize what happening when you're neck-deep in it. To admit was very hard for me, because it made me feel like a failure. Not only did I feel completely empty, I was dissapointed in myself for letting it go this far. I consider myself a survivor, a fighter; I don't give up and I always keep pushing. A visual I have to better represent this is when there's a rough patch or a challenge you roll-up your sleeves you look down and I would push push push until I put my head up and you've accomplished whatever you were doing.
For these last years I kept doing that, and everytime I would look up, I felt like I had gone backwards, everytime. My health started to take a toll, I was basically becoming a zombie and barely making it through the day. At that point I didn't even realize what was going on. One day, about four months ago, I completely crashed (according to my psychologist, had I waited another 2 weeks, my health would of been so bad I would of needed hospitalization) The days that followed were bad, really bad. I truly saw how all the areas of my life were affected (see a list here) I saw my family Doctor that same week and started seeign a therapist. I wanted to get better so bad that I really had a hard time relaxing, my attitude was ' hurry up and relax!' Needless to say that this attitude only set me back in my recovery. It took about 4 to 6 weeks to only start feeling a little bit better. The weekly help I am getting is greatly helping. Now, I am on the recovery road but its not how I thought it would be; it's very different.
I have so much to say, but it's still difficult for me to express it. I just wanted to at least open the subject here. It's my first step. And as I have learned in this journey, taking at least a first step is the most important one, because it makes it a reality.
I hope to be able to help anyone with this experience, I welcome any question or comments because being able to understand or relate is very important, sometimes life-changing. Sharing is an importnat key to healing.

Why is crying still so taboo?

Crying is important, necessary actually. It releases tension and clensese our soul. It is not something to be ashamed of, everybody has feelings - why pretend we don't cry? Aren't we all human? Don't we have emotions? I have heard people tell me that they are scared of crying because they feel like they won't be able to stop; that is so sad because it means feelings have been repressed for so long...

I think the more we admit our feelings to other, the more we show, the more comfortable we become with our own emotions and we can express them better and better. Crying is an important part of healing and getting better...

This comedian expresses it in a very comedic way:

Dominican Republic

I had originally blogged about Dominican Republic; mainly about the culture and pictures I took about people and their daily lives there. I got a comment saying that Dominican Republic is much nicer that what I had portrayed. I absolutely agree - the photography I had posted was exactly to do that: show another side of it. So to satisfy the demand, here is the the Beautiful Cominican Republic people see at 5 star Hotels!

More pictures from My Cottage experience at St-Faustin du Lac Carré

This summer I went to this beautiful COttage at St-Faustin du Lac Carré (QC) it was gougeous; the cottage, the nature....so refreshing. I already posted a few pics - here a few more!

If my fiancé had not worked in that area on the Quebec site; we would have not seen this beautiful place 'Old Terrebonne' It's not too far from Montreal. Beautiful grounds, old houses, wildlife, just gorgeous. The ambiance it nice too, they have people on the street playing traditional music, and I saw they also offered tours and stuff. We walked around then went for a small meal by the water - food and service was great. Definately to check if in they area!

Here are a few shots

Surviving

Abuse against women. Still such a taboo subject. Why, because people don't understand it they don't quite know how to respond and or help. Unless you have lived through it, it is nearly impossible to grasp the emotional rollercoaster and manipulation it involves. I was always a strong woman, and when I was younger I did have a judgement on them, I thought they were either weak, uneducated or had no self-esteem; I would say ''why the hell would they stay'' I guess God (or higher power) decided to make me understand the hard way. I was exactly in that situation - trapped for a long time. The manipulation is so deep that you don't know its happening. And contrarily to the belief that its always bad; there are good times too. The way we get trapped it because its a cycle. A cycle of emotions that keeps you hopeful that things will change. But they don't. As a matter of fact it gets worse and worse. It starts small; you make an excuse for it - you basically refuse to believe it just happened. Then a good phase comes long and makes you forget about it. You feel like you understand him so much; he makes you feel like you ARE the only one who 'gets' him. That is the biggest part of the manipulation, thinking you can save him. You can't. He wants control, you want to help him...it dosen't work.

There are many different types of abuse: physical, mental, emotional, financial....I have seen them all, lived through them all. After years of this I made the ultimate choice: its going to be my life or his. I chose mine because I knew deep in my heart that I had done absolutely all I could to help him. You cannot help someone who dosen't want to be helped; you can't love enough for two.

Here is the cycle: