Well, I have written in a while; I was really busy and had alot on my mind...
A new chapter is definately opening! I cannot believe the changes that occured in my life, in myself in these last months. I have to say it wasen't pleasant at first; I felt so lost, confused and frustrated. But I really took all the help and resources available to me and made the most of it. The final product is a new and improved me. I feel better I can think clearer and I definately have a new take on life. I use to really push to get at a new stage in my carrer and found only frustrations. It hard to handle when you give it your all and you push no matter what to have no positive results (or feedback) I now understand that success dosent equal happiness - but that striving to be happy will eventually bring success (I guess I had the equation wrong...I was never good at math;-) I have now cut ties with certain people (...ok with my work) and I know better things will come along. I hope this lesson stays with me forever; strive for happiness, the rest will come.
Some of the things I do on a daily basis is my fours agreements first thing in the morning (be imppecable with my words, don't take things personally, don't assume anything and always do my best) it really helps me stay focused and positive. At night, I think of all the things I was grateful in my day. I feel really good doign this and I truly hope to be consistent enough to keep doing for the rest of my life.
I want to take this opportunity to thank all the people who supported me in this 'messed-up' phases I went through. I got such great feedback about this blog, about my thoughts and about how I has taking the time I needed to take care of myself. I have great family and friends and I am very grateful for that. I know I am blessed and I hope to give back in my life as much as I have received;-)
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Tuesday, 1 November 2011
Thursday, 29 September 2011
The D-word
Ok, so let me honest. I have been blogging for a little while and the reason I started was to help me journal and identify what my passions are. What prompted this, is a depression and burnout. Contrarily to many beliefs, depression hurts all types of people and most often you realize what happening when you're neck-deep in it. To admit was very hard for me, because it made me feel like a failure. Not only did I feel completely empty, I was dissapointed in myself for letting it go this far. I consider myself a survivor, a fighter; I don't give up and I always keep pushing. A visual I have to better represent this is when there's a rough patch or a challenge you roll-up your sleeves you look down and I would push push push until I put my head up and you've accomplished whatever you were doing.
For these last years I kept doing that, and everytime I would look up, I felt like I had gone backwards, everytime. My health started to take a toll, I was basically becoming a zombie and barely making it through the day. At that point I didn't even realize what was going on. One day, about four months ago, I completely crashed (according to my psychologist, had I waited another 2 weeks, my health would of been so bad I would of needed hospitalization) The days that followed were bad, really bad. I truly saw how all the areas of my life were affected (see a list here) I saw my family Doctor that same week and started seeign a therapist. I wanted to get better so bad that I really had a hard time relaxing, my attitude was ' hurry up and relax!' Needless to say that this attitude only set me back in my recovery. It took about 4 to 6 weeks to only start feeling a little bit better. The weekly help I am getting is greatly helping. Now, I am on the recovery road but its not how I thought it would be; it's very different.
I have so much to say, but it's still difficult for me to express it. I just wanted to at least open the subject here. It's my first step. And as I have learned in this journey, taking at least a first step is the most important one, because it makes it a reality.
I hope to be able to help anyone with this experience, I welcome any question or comments because being able to understand or relate is very important, sometimes life-changing. Sharing is an importnat key to healing.
For these last years I kept doing that, and everytime I would look up, I felt like I had gone backwards, everytime. My health started to take a toll, I was basically becoming a zombie and barely making it through the day. At that point I didn't even realize what was going on. One day, about four months ago, I completely crashed (according to my psychologist, had I waited another 2 weeks, my health would of been so bad I would of needed hospitalization) The days that followed were bad, really bad. I truly saw how all the areas of my life were affected (see a list here) I saw my family Doctor that same week and started seeign a therapist. I wanted to get better so bad that I really had a hard time relaxing, my attitude was ' hurry up and relax!' Needless to say that this attitude only set me back in my recovery. It took about 4 to 6 weeks to only start feeling a little bit better. The weekly help I am getting is greatly helping. Now, I am on the recovery road but its not how I thought it would be; it's very different.
I have so much to say, but it's still difficult for me to express it. I just wanted to at least open the subject here. It's my first step. And as I have learned in this journey, taking at least a first step is the most important one, because it makes it a reality.
I hope to be able to help anyone with this experience, I welcome any question or comments because being able to understand or relate is very important, sometimes life-changing. Sharing is an importnat key to healing.
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